i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
