I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
