As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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