It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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