I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize