Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
