bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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