why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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