We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
