"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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