The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
