ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
