Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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