I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
