dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
