I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The uberlube is also flammable
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
