No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
