I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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