Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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