A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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