It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
