if only i could text you this smell
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You are a genius and a whore.
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