thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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