can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
