hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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