I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
