I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
