you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
