You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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