I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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