im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
