I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
