hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
