All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
