just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
