If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
