how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
