on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
how drunk are you?
Several
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
