If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
