I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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