Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
