...so i touched it.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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