It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
