i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
