God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize