youre lurking in front of me
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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