My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
