did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
