why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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