eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize