Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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