HIV tests are more positive than that guy
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
