I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Holy sore nipples Batman
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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