Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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