Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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