She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize