At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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