wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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