I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
