I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
That was an excessively violent trivia night
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
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