First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
