how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
