ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
