So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
