cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
