yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
