I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's shark week go big or go home
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize