I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
