She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize