and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
