i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
