I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
zippers are such a cool invention
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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