I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
