I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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