ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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