You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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