The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
