take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
