I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
