Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
