drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize