at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
