meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My liver just broke up with me...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I am naked and annoyed.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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