It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The uberlube is also flammable
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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