i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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