If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
