I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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