Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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