dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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