i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize