and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
