I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize