We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize