I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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