Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Randomize
