Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
