I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
