"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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