You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize