I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
