I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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