Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
