Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
