One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
