apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
