I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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