half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How does it feel to date your dad?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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