i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
