your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
