The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think my moral compass just broke
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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