the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
